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| It is cold.
Envious wind steals hot breath and whisks it to sky
Freezing exhales of young murmur softly,
as if awoken from dream.
The first light of morning brings songs of red and yellow,
diamonds glint then fall to ground
The breath set free. | | |
| ‘Tempting, but hardly worth it,’ he thought to himself. ‘It would take me three years to pay it off, and then what? Besides, would she really like that? I bet she wouldn’t.’ the inner monolog continued, ‘No. All right, maybe. No, really no. Can’t afford it. We have talked and talked about this. Everything changes when you add this kind of stuff to the mix. Why change a great thing? Why am I even here? Why am I even looking? Why? I’ll tell you why,’ he answers himself. ‘Because she is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, that is why.”
He puts the ring back on the counter. Looks at the drooling sales person, “Thank you, but I don’t think I’ll be needing this today.”
“Are you sure Sir? It is a one-of-a-kind, and your girl friend would love it.”
“Really, no thank you. I don’t really know why I came in. Thanks for your help.” He turns on his heel and heads for the door before the sales person can say anything else.
“I am losing it,” he whispers under his breath as he merges with the river of shoppers. “These malls all look the same. What did I really come here for?’ he looks around, sees a kiosk with sunglasses and watches, a woman waiting for him to get closer so she can demonstrate the latest hand cream, and a cell phone booth. “I really need to shop online.”
Skipping past the woman with the hand cream he ducks into the Apple store, goes to the nearest laptop, logs onto Amazon and purchases a new diary. “There. That is better than a ring.” He punches in his credit card, gets overnight delivery and hits send. “Time to get out of here.” Leaving he glances back at the jewelry store. “That was a close one.”
****
“Are you sure?” the voice on the phone sounds startled.
“Yes, I’m looking at him right now,” whispers a woman in blue jeans and a black turtleneck. Seeing a man walk closer she pulls her shades on. “Oh yeah, that’s him. He just walked past. He came out of a jewelry store.”
“Did he buy anything?” says the voice, more curious than startled now.
“No, I don’t think so, do you want me to follow him?” She whispers, a mischievous grin takes shape on her face.
“Absolutely not. What if he sees you? That would be bad. No, better to pretend that this phone call never happened. I’m hanging up now, don’t you dare follow.” The voice clicks the phone off and breaths deeply. “What is he doing at a jewelry store? Ok, no problem, just pretend you don’t know he was there.”
****
She places her phone back in her handbag and then picks it up again. “No, I won’t call him, he might guess that I know.” Regardless of her inner voice she dials his number by heart and listens to the ring.
“Hello?” The man’s voice sounds surprised. “I was just thinking about you. How are you?”
“I’m fine. Really,” But her voice is a bit higher than normal.
Biting her lower lip, ‘Calm down you idiot. Nothing happened, relax or he will find out.’ She tells herself.
“You were thinking of me?” this time sounding a bit more normal.
“Yeah, I got you a present but it won’t be ready until tomorrow.” He smiles to himself as he thinks of the journal.
“Um, a present? For me? Really? Why? I mean what’s the occasion?” Her heart is racing, trying to catch her breath she tries to think about how they left things the last time they had that conversation.
“Can’t I buy you a present once in a while?”
“Of course, it’s just that you don’t usually do things like that.” She feels she may have to throw up. ‘Is this really happening?’ a voice screams inside of her.
“Are you ok? You sound a little off, are you getting a cold?” now he is worried.
“Oh, no I’m fine. I just got back from a run,” she lies. “In fact I think I’ll go hit the showers. Will you be here later?”
“Yeah, I’ll be a bit late. I need to go to the gym myself. Talk to you later.”
****
He clicks his phone off and shoves it into his pocket. “That was weird.”
****
She throws the phone into her bag and races to the bathroom. Instead of puking, she tosses open the closet and searches for a new razor, some wax, and nail polish.
“If this is really going to happen,” she says laughingly, “I may as well look perfect.”
Sitting on the toilet, “What if this is really happening?”
****
A woman with blue jeans and dark sunglasses slowly walks up to the computer.
“Are you in the market for a laptop? This one is a really great value.” A smiling Apple Genius leans onto the counter. “What type of work do you use your computer for?”
“Really, I just want to look around. Thanks, I’ll find you if I need you.” Dismissing the salesman she pulls up the last website and sees a ‘Thank you for your purchase.’ displayed across the screen.
The woman closes the window and looks around. “Shit.” She picks up her phone and dials out. “No answer. Crap. Now what do I do?” She pushes her sunglasses to the top of her head. “I may be in trouble now.”
****
She opens the door and watches the wall of steam escape into the hallway. The hot shower didn’t help; her heart is still beating through her chest.
“I need a drink.”
She slips into a pair of wool pants and pulls a grey sweater on, taking two minutes to blow out her hair she puts on the finishing touch, a dap of lip gloss, grabs her wallet and keys and runs out the door. “If I hurry, I won’t have to see him for a while. I need air and vino. What am I going to do?” Her jumbled thoughts are on the verge of panic.
She jumps into her car, puts it into reverse and heads to her favorite spot for a glass of wine.
****
Getting off the treadmill he checks his pulse and wipes sweat from his brow. “Hey, I haven’t seen you for a while.” He says, smiling at his old trainer.
“Yeah, I had knee surgery last month and I’m just getting back into things. How are things with you? Get married yet?” the fit man with a touch of grey at his temples smiles to himself.
“Of course not. You know how we are, but funny you mention it. The strangest thing happened today. This morning I noticed that her journal is almost full, so I thought I would get her a new one, as a surprise. The next thing I know I’m at the mall and looking at a ring at the jewelry store. It’s crazy. Neither of us wants to get married, yet there I was.”
“Did you buy the ring?”
“No, I ran like a little girl.”
The old trainer laughs at his friend. “You might need a professional.” Slapping his friend on the back they head for the free weights.
“So, how is your knee doing?”
****
The woman in jeans dials her friend again; listening to the rings she holds her breath. “Still no answer. How can she not have her phone in a time like this.” She clicks her phone off and looks in the rearview.
“Well, best to stay out of things.” She turns her phone off and puts it in the glove box. “Two days in there and I’ll just laugh about it with her after it all blows over.”
Turning her car onto the freeway she heads for home.
****
“You don’t need a pinot, you need bubbles.” The crazy bar keep, and one of her closest friend turns around and gets a flute off the shelf.
“This really isn’t the time for celebration. I can’t decide if I am excited or terrified. I think I may have to spend the night under the bar, do you mind?” she rests her head in her hands.
The explosion of laughter makes her look up. “What is so funny?”
“You two come in here almost every week, you are always together, because you like to hang out, your happy, your obviously in love, and you make everyone else at this bar crazy with envy over the ‘cool couple at the end of the bar.’ And, here you are being the silliest I have ever seen you.” She places the glass of Veuve in front of her friend.
“Ok, I’ll admit to being a little stoked. I did wax this afternoon.” She allows a small smile and sips the bubbles, ‘Almonds and pears, I love this stuff.’
****
“For a old guy you do pretty well, you want to race?”
“You’re funny, for a guy to admits to running like a girl.” The trainer grabs his gym bag. “I have to get going. Are you going to think about our chat?”
“Yeah, you have my wheels turning. Thanks.”
“Hey, being older does have its benefits. Good Luck. See you next week?”
“Yeah, I’ll see you.” He grabs his bag and heads for the door. ‘If I hurry, I may be able to make it in time.’
****
“Ok, that is glass number three, and we both know that you’re a two glass maximum, oh ye of little tolerance.”
“Yeah, but I can’t go home yet. What if he is there? I can’t let him know that I know. And really, I don’t know anything. I do know that I don’t know if I want to do it. Maybe I don’t even know that.” She looks into the glass, “Bubbles are pretty.”
“Alright, you talked me into it. Call you man, tell him that we are having a girls night of it, I get off in a few and you can have number four and stay at my house.” The bartender dials her phone and hands it across the bar.
“Okey dokey. That sounds perfect.” She says, taking the phone.
****
“Hey that’s funny I was just about to head down there for a drink.” He says putting his phone to his ear. “I just have to make one stop.”
“Silly, it’s me. I’m just borrowing the phone.” She smiles into the phone.
“Oh, hi Babe. What are you up to?” Why is it that her voice makes him smile?
“I’m having a girls night with Miss. Thing here and won’t be home till tomorrow. Didn’t want you to get worried.” She winks at her friend across the bar.
Laughing, “Sounds like you already have had a head start. That’s cool; I’ll see you tomorrow. Have fun.” He hangs up and pulls into the parking lot. ‘Made it just in time.’
****
“Alright, about number four.”
“Here you go.” Her friend slides a glass over to her.
Taking a sip she looks up in surprise.
“Well, if this is really going to happen, you don’t want to be hung over! So, enjoy the water, that is all I’m giving you.” Her friend taps the bar and walks away.
‘Not to worry,’ she tells herself. ‘What is there to be worried about? The key is to get through tonight and make up your mind. That can’t be so hard.’
****
‘Delivery by noon, that should work out. I’ll just see if she want to have a late brunch.’ He picks up his phone, surprised that he isn’t more tired since he didn’t sleep well. He dials her number and hears a phone ringing in the other room. “She forgot her phone again,” He says to the air in the room.
****
“See you later, wish me luck.” Checking her lip-gloss in the hall mirror she heads for the door.
“You don’t need luck, you need a brain surgeon!” her friend yells from the living room. “Call me and tell me what happens.”
****
“Hey Crazy, did you two have a wild night of unspeakable adventures?” He kisses her forehead as she puts her coat on the hook.
“Oh yes, we ran out of male prostitutes and had to resort to calling pizza delivery guys from all over the Metro area.” She giggles and goes searching for coffee.
“Don’t get too caffeinated, I want to go to brunch a bit later. You up for it?”
She bites her lip and feels her pulse quicken, “Yeah, I could use some eggs. I’ll just hit the shower first.” She slips into the bathroom and locks the door before he could see her panicking.
****
The doorbell rings twice.
“Perfect timing,” he says to the delivery guy and signs for a package.
****
‘What do you wear on a day like this?’ she wonders as she towels off her hair and starts the closet search.
Leaving her favorite black attire behind she opts for a red tee and brown pants; she throws on a cashmere sweater and takes a deep breath. She looks herself over in the mirror, applies another layer of lip-gloss and smiles. “I can do this.” She whispers to herself.
“You ready?” she yells into the next room.
He straightens up, “That was a quick shower.” He slips the newly wrapped package into his shoulder pack and inhales deeply. “I can do this.” He whispers to himself.
****
“Table for two?” a shorthaired college student guides them to a table by the fireplace. “Is this ok?” She puts the menus down without waiting for a reply. “Enjoy your grub.” She leaves to seat the next party at the door.
“Well, I like this table how about you?” Straightening her sweater and sitting down she looks at him expectantly.
“Yeah, I could use some coffee. Do you want a mimosa?” He takes his own chair, puts his pack down and adjusts the table so that they faced the fireplace.
“Um, no. I would, but I had three glasses of bubbles last night and coffee is the best option. No hang-over mind you, but why tempt my body to rebel into a latent head ache.” She smiles and makes eye contact with the passing server.
“Coffee you two?” The server is in her late twenties and wears a lot of bracelets; they jingle as she pours the steaming brown liquid into their mugs. “I’ll be back in a sec. for your order. We have stuffed cinnamon roll French toast today and the quiche is spinach, feta, and bacon.” She quickly disappears into the kitchen and leaves them with the coffee and menus.
“Quiche and a salad for me. How about you?” She puts on her best smile and gazes across the table.
He feels the heat rising in his cheeks as he struggles to remain calm. “Um, I think I’ll just get two eggs and toast, I want some potatoes.”
‘Is he blushing?’ she wonders.
****
“Is that the guy who called earlier?” the server with bracelets asks the college student.
“I hope so, I gave them the table he asked for. He has the blue shoulder bag, but who knows. I’ll ask them to change tables if they aren’t the right couple.” She replies, adjusting the spikes of her hair.
****
They order their food and the server tops off their coffee and leaves. They both sit in an odd silence and wait for the other to say something.
“Beautiful day.” “Want to go skiing.” They ask at the same time.
“Sure,” again together. They both laugh at themselves and sip their coffee.
She starts, “I was wondering, um… never mind.” She can’t seem to finish.
“What’s that?” he asks, gazing into the flames he wonders if this is going to be possible.
“I got you a present.” He blurts.
Her eyes turn to saucers and she chokes on her coffee. He gets up and pats her on the back. “Are you alright? Your turning blue.”
She wipes the moisture from her eyes and nods, “Yeah, I’m fine. My java didn’t make it down the right tunnel.” She gets up and starts for the bathroom. “I’ll be right back.”
****
She bursts into the bathroom and realizes that the urinals do not belong. Blushing she curses under her breath and leaves to find the girls bathroom.
“Get a grip! You have two minutes to get it together before you look like an idiot.” She splashes some cold water on her face. “Great,” she berates herself, “Now you look like a drowned idiot.” Cleaning up and reapplying some lip-gloss she squares her shoulders and walks back to her seat.
****
“There you are. I thought you drowned. I was going to send a medic, but he was busy with the French toast.” He eyes her curiously as she takes her seat and sips some water.
“I’m fine, just spent some time fishing in the men’s room.” She smiles back and tries to relax. “So, you got me a present.”
‘That a girl’ she thinks to herself. ‘Stay calm. Way to take control.’
“Yeah, it’s right here. I noticed the other day that it is about time for one.” He reaches into his shoulder bag and pulls a package out.
Holding her breath and taking a sip of coffee she watches as he pulls a large present from his bag. “What is that?” She couldn’t help her surprise.
“Well, the wrapping paper and the fact that I told you I had a gift for you would lead me to believe, that it is indeed a present.” Shaking his head he hands her the gift.
She takes the present from him, feels its weight in her hands. “Well, at least it’s not a ring.” She says laughingly as she exhales for what feels like the first time since the phone call yesterday.
She looks over to him and watches the color drain from his face. “Did I say something wrong?” she opens her gift and finds a beautiful leather bound journal. She blinks back the tears, “This is so perfect. I needed one of these.”
****
He could feel the weight of the ring in his pocket as she opens the journal. Watching what he thought to be the perfect moment, disappear into a huge mistake. ‘What was I thinking?’ he watches as joy floods her face as she sees the journal. ‘I can’t believe I bought this, I can’t believe I was really going to ask.’
****
She continues to blink back tears; she can’t look at him for fear of really crying. ‘Why am I getting so worked up over this? So what, we talked about this, I don’t want a silly ring. Right?’
****
They both sit in silence for a moment, one looking at the other, both realizing how much they loved the person sitting across the table. The woman with the jingling bracelets shows up,
sets their food in front of them, and walks away.
They both blurt out, “Can we talk about something?”
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